Kelog

I’ve stopped thinking about where I’ve been.  Life is a two lane highway and if needs to catch up it sure as hell can speed on up and find me.   Of course I’ll miss those places and faces, but dwelling on it has never done me a bit of good.  I’ll still seek it out when I have an urge to, because as people that’s what we do.  You past makes you who you are and old faces can help reinforce where you are now.

Right now, I am more concerned where I am going.  The dust seems to be settling and while it’s nice to have some stability in life I don’t know how much I really like it.  I know everyone never has enough time in the day but you can’t help but to compare yourself to those people who get so much more done in a day.  Motivation, drive, energy, no-sleep, fire and sweat.  I feel like I am still lacking a true passion in life.  It is hard to know where you belog, for so many generations now, so many of us have been lost.

Time tells a good story, but it’s always about those people who did something.  Those men and women who made something of their lives.  Not every man can get their name in the book.  I understand that, I don’t really want that.  And honestly I don’t idolize those kind of men.  I don’t want to be a president or an astronaught.

I don’t look very far, my father and his father, they were men who did something, went places, raised a family.  My grandfather was working before he even went to high school.  He worked in his grandfather’s tavern, then in a soda shop, a delivery boy, then the navy, as a chemist, and finally in the airlines where he spent the next 40 years of his life dedicated to Eastern.  All the while, he got married young, raised five kids, traveled the world, served his country, lost a brother, lost a son.  It makes me feel so small.  He’s got a lifetime on me, but he also had done so much more by the time he was my age.  He faced so many more hardships.

I can’t help but feel how weak my generation is.  The American generation at least, I know there are some places with hardship beyond my imagining.  That’s not my world though, it isn’t real to me.  Is experience reality?  I guess for me it is.  Does that mean I am faithless?  Confusion, that’s something I have in common with a lot of people here today.  Lost and looking for direction.  Some people find it, in different places.  It’s hard to know where to look.

My father, he was no different.  Hopped a train, made his way across the country, brought a free car to life, became an A&P mechanic, became a pilot, got married, crashed a plane, built a barn, raised chickens, planted corn, had a son, went fishing, dug a pond, fixed a house, went camping, played with his boy, buzzed the house, became a diesel mechanic, and I hope he found God.

Life doesn’t find you, you find it.  A missed opportunity should be just that, missed.  Just like I always end up, not sure where I was headed, but I’ll be damned if I ain’t chasing it.